Last Night I Fell In Love Without You

I feel strangely complacent at the moment. I am freshly awake with no current worries about the impending day. It's not early but it isn't so late that I feel like I've wasted any time. Yet. I suppose that's what I'm doing now. This Daylight Saving's Time has had no effect on me at all. Usually there's an adjustment period where I'll feel the difference and think that it's really supposed to be an hour later several times a day but this one has arrived generally unnoticed. My only problem with it is the theft of the late day sun. The sky is currently cloudless and so blue that I want to swim in it.
I need to get out of my own head or something like that. I over-examine things and try to extract the logical solution for everything when I should simply be following an impulse. Sometimes that's the right thing to do. Hindsight is rarely referenced in good situations for a reason. You wonder why you ended up somewhere most when it's where you don't want to be. I should know by now that no one and nothing are waiting for me so if I want to find anything I had better stop checking my watch and start stepping towards it.

dm.

"The stars at night aren't as big and bright as you make them out to be..." mcs

Until i go inside..

Until i go inside..

The funny thing is i

The funny thing is i don't even care. She could be anyone. But she's not. She's not anyone. A friend. But what else? I won't know

I didn't know that it was so cold there

Picture of the day. It looks so nice on the other side of those bars but I just can't break through them. It's been an interesting few days. I felt amazing today for some reason. I want to attribute it to all the exercise I did yesterday, thereby reinforcing my will to do it. I have the will actually, just not the time (at least the hours that the gym decides to be open on weekends.) Anyway it was an ups and downs weekend. A weekend of learning things and finding out things I didn't want to know. About myself and others. This doesn't mean as much as you think it does.

"I'm sinking slowly so hurry hold me
Your hand is all I have to keep me hanging on
Please can you tell me so I can finally see
Where you go when you're gone

If you want to, I can save you
I can take you away from here
So lonely inside, so busy out there
And all you wanted was somebody who cares..."
~Michelle Branch

I'm not listening

It was a warm day, unfortunately spent mostly inside. Work then class. It's nice outside still and it's after midnight. I love the warm nights. They are really my favorite thing, being able to be outside when it's night time with a t-shirt on. I was feeling weird this afternoon. I couldn't wait to have a few drinks and chill out. Lots of mellow music as I walked around campus thinking. Music really brings back memories and conjures up new feelings that I don't understand some of the time. I had a nice reprieve for a while tonight with some friends but now I feel strange again and listening to The Used is making some strange thoughts come up. I'll just go to bed. That's my quick fix.

"Lights out! I can't stand to hear you scream
While we were making love I was fast asleep
If your heart's still beating it must be the blood
If your lungs are still working it must be the mud
If its still light out than a kick in the ribs
And today's worth living, it probably is..."
~The Used

Pull myself together, let it out

Pictures of the days. The ski weekend went well. It was fun to be away, even though it seemed to go by really quickly. We skiied, played games and just had a good time. Time is so strangely elastic like that. When I'm working, time goes by so slowly but when you're having a good time, it passes by so fast. I'd like to take a week or more and be able to go away with some of my friends. It would be great to be able to just hang out and not have to worry about waiting for someone to get done work or get back from school. I'm looking forward to the summer, hopefully more trips and shows for the band. Yes, the warm weather is best.

"Photographs of our best moments
make me such a mess
I need to pull myself together and
let it out..."
~New Found Glory

I'm always coming down from the night before....

Picture of the day. It's hard to find the beauty in a place where you spend most of your days going to class. I do enjoy a lot of my time at Rowan, however. It is so much better than Cumberland County College, there are no words to describe it. The people, professors and students, the classes in general and just the atmosphere of academia. It's nice. I can have a regular conversation with my professors because they are closer to my age. I even have a good relationship with professors that I had the past two semesters. I just talked to one of them today and it just made me happy that we can talk like friends.

You can just stop talkin', I get it

Picture of the day. Not so great but this is pretty much what the day was about. It was an official snow day! Rowan closed its campus in Glassboro for the whole day, making three weeks in a row that I didn't go to my wednesday night ethics class! She cancelled the first week and last week it was snowy and we didn't feel like going up since our other class was cancelled and this week it's a snow day! We're never going to go to that class. Snow days have a connotation of fun that I suppose was instilled in elementary school. No school means we're going out to build snowmen, have snowball fights, go sledding and then drink hot chocolate. Well, we did a few of those things at least. Now we replace hot chocolate with beer though. The feeling of the snow day is just as good though because you get to sleep in and then wake up and have fun. I mean, it would probably be more prudent to use the time off to catch up on work that we are behind on but hey.. I want a damn snow day. And I got one.

"You can just stop talkin', I get it
I hear your silence loud and clear
I know it's barely a thought but it'll see us through
I'm only settin' you free so just let it happen
Let it happen, no need to fear
Yeah, you can just stop talkin', I get it.."
~Plus 44

Where did I go wrong?

Picture of the day. It was all snow all day today. It didn't stick for the first twelve hours but when it started, it really came down. It piled up really fast. It was just starting when I went to take a math test and it was piled high when I got done. Everything piles up fast like that. You put off hanging out hanging out with a friend every now and then, before you know it, it's been years. So much happens so quickly and you really see that from a different perspective when you talk to someone that you haven't seen in a long time. Things change and people go on when you're not there. They might be out of sight for a while, but one day unexpectedly they show up like the snow and bring some happy memories along with them. Go play in the snow.

"Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life..."
~The Fray

So I finally decided to give myself a reason

Picture of the day. The weather was great out today but I had to miss it because I was in school of one form or another all day. I've always had a hard time weighing the benefits of sacrificing life in the present to ensure better life down the road. Maybe that has a lot to do with my strange feeling that I wouldn't live too long. I think I've already outlived my expectations, maybe that's why I feel so lost about what I'm doing; I didn't think I'd have to figure it out. That probably sounds weird. Anyway, I'm here and trying to work toward something while not letting too much of life go by in the process. Maybe it's too late for that, but I can't give up now even if it seems like a lost cause. I hope I can be content and happy one day with what I'm doing in life. It's hard for me to picture myself in the places I'd like to be.

"It's a night of many frightening things to take in
It's not the way we please ourselves or our friends
It's what we won't accept
It's what will scare us now
Is ourselves, it's ourselves"
~I Can Make a Mess Like Nobody's Business

I've never lived closer to danger, but I've never felt safer

Picture of the day. It was a beautiful day out. The sun was out, no clouds and the temperature was up to at least 50. It was nice walking outside with a t-shirt on and driving for a short time with the windows cracked. As much as I like skiing, I could do without the cold. I would just take vacations to the cold places to go skiing and enjoy the warmth for the rest of the year.

The snow was mostly melted today. The weather warmed up and so did everything else just like I planned. Going to sleep seems like a passive solution to things, but it's really just a good way to calm down. It works for me at least. I can be really worked up about something and I don't really have any other way to feel better about it.. for the most part. So going to sleep, which is sometimes hard to do when you're upset, seems to work. I wake up and it's like nothing ever happened. This only works for the "small" things, by the way. A lot of things are still there when you wake up.

Today I watched Pride and Glory. I pretty much like to watch anything with Ed Norton in it because I know it will be good. This was no exception. It's a great cop movie. It's a great action movie. Things jump off pretty quickly and they don't really stop. It moves fast but you feel like you know the characters right away. It put me in the mood for more movies like Lucky Number Slevin and Snatch even though they're not the same.

I watched Green Street Hooligans last week. It was a great movie about a kid who gets expelled from Harvard and falls in with a football firm in London, learning things he never did at his Ivy League school. More than that, he gains a sense of belonging and loyalty. Definitely something to check out if you haven't seen it.

Matt Buckner: "Once you've taken a few punches and realize you're not made of glass, you don't feel alive unless you're pushing yourself as far as you can go."

If home is where the heart is then we're all just fucked

Pictures of the day. Crazy awesome sunset at Union Lake today on the way home. It was cold all day. Very cold. I was out in it a lot today between disc golf and taking pictures.

I got to the lake at just the perfect time as this was happening. I forgot my tiny tripod again but luckily it was light enough to get some good shots without it.

The outdoors wasn't the only place I got the cold shoulder tonight.. That wasn't very good, but neither was what it's referring to. It's stupid. It's all better now, or I hope so anyway. Halfway to AC we turned around and came back. Side of the road. Flashers. State Trooper. Colder inside than out.. both ways I guess. It's warming up again though. Let's keep the heat on for a while.

PS... I'm ready for spring to come back already.

"And I want it so bad I'd shoot the sunshine into my veins
I can't remember
the good old days...."
~Fall Out Boy

You'll see colors again

Picture of the day. After a mostly boring day, we went to Philly to Maoz for falafel. It was great as always. It was quite cold out but it was a good time being out with friends. We walked around the city a little, spending most of the time walking in the subway tunnels to keep warm. I always look forward to little trips like these because they're just as much fun as big trips to me. I prefer small trips with bigger groups of people to large trips. Maybe. I'm not sure, but they're at least equal. I just want more hanging out, going to bars and just doing things as a group.

"The world you painted was new
the colors were so alive
took a lie and made it true
a final touch and then right into the painting you dive..
But it's okay if you break
(you'll see colors again)
This is more than you can take
(you'll see colors again)
It's your life that's at stake
Don't you think it's my time, anytime soon?"
~Blindside

I need you to show me the way from crazy

Picture of the day. I spent a lot of time today facing forward in seats wondering what the clock behind me said because I didn't feel like being there anymore. Time seems to move so slowly when you're waiting for class to end.. or start. Sitting outside of my calc class is agony when I'm just waiting for the class in there to come out so we can start. I have a long break between classes too. That's going to get old.

It sucks when you think something is going well but then you find out it's not. That was an oversimplification, but I just had a good feeling the last few days and it's like someone just ripped the rug out from under it. Oh well, I'll go to sleep and get up in the morning and things will seem okay again. Goodnight.

"I see it around me, I see it in everything
I could be so much more than this
I said my goodbyes, this is my sundown
I'm gonna be so much more than this...
You'll take your time but
no one cares...
good goodbye
good goodnight...."
~Jimmy Eat World

She'll always be a little far for me to reach

Picture of the day. I took a walk out behind the library where the snow was still fresh in a lot of places. This trail still looks somewhat similar to how it used to before there was a paved path and lights. I remember walking back there with my grandfather all the time as a kid. Sometimes we took the dog for a walk but most of the time we were just walking ourselves down the trail, under the bridge and over to the old steel skeleton of a building that I would climb on. He would always tell me about what used to be there and how my grandmother worked at the trolley station that went by there. Good memories.

That picture pretty much sums up the mood of the day. It was gray and foggy all day. It rained off and on. I spent most of the day inside my house updating blogs and thinking about cleaning my room. It needs to be done soon. I feel like I would be much better off if I could get organized, but it's just hard to get started. I did some running today but countered it with the mess of boneless wings I ate at Applebee's dipped in bleu cheese.

I miss old friends and conversations we used to have. I still want to just get in the car and drive away with the music up, windows down, singing along on the highway.

"I was just a boy like every other
I thought I was something fierce
I thought I was ten times smarter
Love would be something that I just know..
How you gonna know the feeling till you've lost it?
I've been losing plenty since.."
~Jimmy Eat World

Don't call me up when the snow comes down

Two posts in a day? Not unheard of here. Also, the down time has got me feeling the need to make up for lost time. This is a picture of just a minute ago outside my house. It's snowing pretty hard and everything is covered in white. For now. It's supposed to rain tomorrow, so as always, this won't last for long. I do love being out in the snow though. I like to just stand and listen. Everything is so quiet when it snows. I say it every year but it's my favorite thing.

I want a snow day. I can't remember the last time I had a snow day and didn't have to go to school. I remember having a hurricane day once at Cumberland County College. That was a joke, it just rained a little. I want an old fashioned snow day where we're all off school and we can go hang out in the snow.. and play disc golf probably. I doubt my wish will come true but I guess it can't hurt to hope.

dm.

Try not to save me

Picture of the day. It snowed this morning but it didn't close school so here I am outside Westby, which doesn't even house most of my classes but it seems like I spend most of my time at Rowan here anyway. I have two hours between classes every Tuesday and Thursday so I have a good amount of time to kill.

My Art History III class is alright but it's a tease. We are looking at paintings that deal with subject matter I'm interested in like Greek gods and goddesses but we talk about the artist's style more than the subject matter. It's still interesting, just makes me want to take Greek and Roman mythology classes.
Aesthetics class is more my kind of thing. It's a philosophy class that deals with the ideas about beauty and art. We read a lot and we read interesting things like Plato and Euripides. We just read the Greek tragedy "The Bacchae" by Euripides. It's cool to be able to read something like that and then have a conversation about it with other people. I'm looking forward to more of that.

I originally started Stories Unfinished to challenge myself to find new ways to photograph the things I do everyday. I figured it would force me to find creative and interesting ways of looking at daily chores and give me some good photos. It turned into me just feeling obligated to take pictures of desks when I substituted or the art building at school. I really enjoy actually being able to look back at what I did everyday last year and having pictures of my friends so I'm going to keep it up but not on a daily basis. The days where I just go to work then to school and then watch six episodes of House aren't interesting.

To make up for lack of posts (and the lack of creativity,) I'm going to challenge myself to take a good picture that will say something about the day. I will also post random other things on here, so it will be a photoblog but also more of a journal than a log this time.

I've watched quite a few great movies lately. First, Man on Wire was a great story. It was even better that it was a documentary of a true story. It is about a tightrope walker that keeps trying to outdo himself and when he sees the World Trade Center being built in Manhattan, he sees it as his destiny to walk across the two towers. Check this out if you have a chance.

I may be way behind on the hype for this movie but I saw it for the first time last week and I loved it. It was so... I'm not sure what it was but it fit the way I was feeling just perfectly. I was in a solemn mood and I didn't want to watch anything too loud or weird. I had this on the shelf for a while so I picked it up and it was just nice. The mood was great and the humor was subtle but just what I wanted. If you haven't already seen this, see it soon. Ah Bill Murray.

I saw Slumdog Millionaire in the theater the other night with Chuck and Nate. It was definitely a great movie for the big screen. I had no idea what it was really about but I'm glad we saw it. I don't want to give away the plot points, but the main character is on a game show and all the questions relate back to his life growing up and the girl he loves. So, through these questions we go back and see the things that have led him to where he is now and why he there. It was awesome enough that I might want to see it again before it's out of theaters.

I hadn't even heard of this movie before we picked it up at the video store the other day but it was a great choice. The main character is a college professor that nobody likes and he really just likes to hear himself talk because he thinks everything he says is wonderfully insightful and intelligent. He starts to wonder what his life is about and worry about his daughter who may be turning out a little too much like him. It's a great, funny movie even though Sarah Jessica Parker is in it.

"I wonder why I can
Why I go through it all
I know I love you and I don't wanna let it all fall
Try not to save me
(I'm not the one)
All I ever wanted was to care
Try not to care
Try not to save me....."
~ Two Tongues

.dm.

This is where we used to meet

My thoughts have teeth
and they're eating me alive.
"Cliches do well to quantify my pain"
Some things never change.
I never change.
I need to take a chance and let it happen.
Who am I?
It's hard to tell..
It's hard to sell..

dm