Hypocritical Oath

Reading other people's blogs makes me feel inadequate sometimes. Not always, mind you. Some blogs out there are as pointless as can be (I'm sure the argument could be made for all of mine as well.) I try to post creative writings of some sort, something that could entertain someone on some of my blogs. Others are more for me than anyone else, like my photoblog. It's nice to be able to share the pictures with people when we do things together, but I like having a photo record of all the things I did that I can look back on later in life. I'm sure I'll be really happy that I did it since I already am.

Anyway, back on point, I've been reading the blog of a medical student that has chronicled his four years of medical school and now his residency. I know these people exist out there but reading his words and seeing how similar we think about things really makes me feel like I've made horrible decisions about my life. I think this on a regular basis anyway, but here I am at 24 in my mom's house with a crappy job (or no job?) at a camera shop working my way through years of college I should have finished when I was 20. Not growing up is only an attractive quality in rock stars and actors who can afford it. When you're someone like me, you're not getting cooler, you're just getting older. I don't take chances and I've been spoiled with the luxuries of living rent-free and having food in the house that I don't have to buy. It seems nice, but if I were forced to move out or pay rent or anything along those lines, I think it would make me a better person and help push me in the direction that I can't seem to push myself.

This is another thing that I always wonder "why can't I make the change if I can realize the problem??" And I don't know. I just need to go. I know people say this all the time, but I just need to move out, go somewhere unkown and start new. I would love to move to New York and just live however I can. It would be more like life than what I'm doing here.

Or would it? Is "living" really fulfilling societal standards of getting that degree that says you put in your time at some overpriced institution that really only taught you about meeting smart girls and drinking large amount of alcohol followed by acquiring a middle class job that takes up most of your time in adulthood? I feel like I've lived this summer already, taking camping trips and making the most of my days when I have the opportunity.

Perhaps my lifestyle is based on my ingrained sense that I won't live to an old age. Or maybe I'm just procrastinating growing up like I procrastinate everything else. That's all for now. Off to live a little.