Walk Before You Run

As my arms glisten with sweat in my poorly lit computer room, I can't help but think about where I am in life. I love to run. It's more of a love/hate relationship I suppose since it's not always pleasant running, however I enjoy the way I feel once I've finished. I think the attraction to running might be partly due to the symbolism since running is often used to describe someone who is trying to escape. I am. Running lets me escape everything and focus on a goal. That's another reason I enjoy it: achievement. While I have accrued several certificates or degrees that one might assume should be a source of pride, I know how I got them and there is no real reason to be exceptionally proud of that. I put in my time and that is not something worthy of an honor (though that is how most honors are received.) I am proud of much of the work I have done while working towards my degree but the overall experience didn't require an abundance of effort. Running, on the other hand, require effort and has the benefit of being a short-term and long-term goal. In the short-term I have to finish whatever run I might be doing that day. It might be three miles or seven, but I know I want to reach that goal and it feels good when I finish it. At the same time I'm often working toward running farther over time. For example, I intend to enter some short races this summer or fall-5k or 10k-but my goal is to complete a half marathon. I don't have a date for this goal except before I'm 30. I've spent so much time being lazy over the past month I feel like I really need to step it up now and exercise on a daily basis.

Last Night I Fell In Love Without You

I feel strangely complacent at the moment. I am freshly awake with no current worries about the impending day. It's not early but it isn't so late that I feel like I've wasted any time. Yet. I suppose that's what I'm doing now. This Daylight Saving's Time has had no effect on me at all. Usually there's an adjustment period where I'll feel the difference and think that it's really supposed to be an hour later several times a day but this one has arrived generally unnoticed. My only problem with it is the theft of the late day sun. The sky is currently cloudless and so blue that I want to swim in it.
I need to get out of my own head or something like that. I over-examine things and try to extract the logical solution for everything when I should simply be following an impulse. Sometimes that's the right thing to do. Hindsight is rarely referenced in good situations for a reason. You wonder why you ended up somewhere most when it's where you don't want to be. I should know by now that no one and nothing are waiting for me so if I want to find anything I had better stop checking my watch and start stepping towards it.

dm.

"The stars at night aren't as big and bright as you make them out to be..." mcs

Until i go inside..

Until i go inside..

The funny thing is i

The funny thing is i don't even care. She could be anyone. But she's not. She's not anyone. A friend. But what else? I won't know

I didn't know that it was so cold there

Picture of the day. It looks so nice on the other side of those bars but I just can't break through them. It's been an interesting few days. I felt amazing today for some reason. I want to attribute it to all the exercise I did yesterday, thereby reinforcing my will to do it. I have the will actually, just not the time (at least the hours that the gym decides to be open on weekends.) Anyway it was an ups and downs weekend. A weekend of learning things and finding out things I didn't want to know. About myself and others. This doesn't mean as much as you think it does.

"I'm sinking slowly so hurry hold me
Your hand is all I have to keep me hanging on
Please can you tell me so I can finally see
Where you go when you're gone

If you want to, I can save you
I can take you away from here
So lonely inside, so busy out there
And all you wanted was somebody who cares..."
~Michelle Branch

I'm not listening

It was a warm day, unfortunately spent mostly inside. Work then class. It's nice outside still and it's after midnight. I love the warm nights. They are really my favorite thing, being able to be outside when it's night time with a t-shirt on. I was feeling weird this afternoon. I couldn't wait to have a few drinks and chill out. Lots of mellow music as I walked around campus thinking. Music really brings back memories and conjures up new feelings that I don't understand some of the time. I had a nice reprieve for a while tonight with some friends but now I feel strange again and listening to The Used is making some strange thoughts come up. I'll just go to bed. That's my quick fix.

"Lights out! I can't stand to hear you scream
While we were making love I was fast asleep
If your heart's still beating it must be the blood
If your lungs are still working it must be the mud
If its still light out than a kick in the ribs
And today's worth living, it probably is..."
~The Used

Pull myself together, let it out

Pictures of the days. The ski weekend went well. It was fun to be away, even though it seemed to go by really quickly. We skiied, played games and just had a good time. Time is so strangely elastic like that. When I'm working, time goes by so slowly but when you're having a good time, it passes by so fast. I'd like to take a week or more and be able to go away with some of my friends. It would be great to be able to just hang out and not have to worry about waiting for someone to get done work or get back from school. I'm looking forward to the summer, hopefully more trips and shows for the band. Yes, the warm weather is best.

"Photographs of our best moments
make me such a mess
I need to pull myself together and
let it out..."
~New Found Glory